Josh (our senior year of high school): "One day you're going save the world."
Me: "Honestly, I really don't want to save the world. I don't want to be Superwoman. All I really want to do is grow up and have a family. I just want to be a mom."
You may have noticed lately that I seemed to have dropped off the face of the earth.
Or, at the very least, dropped of the Facebook of the earth.
But you see, I haven't disappeared. Not really. I've just kind of given up. On everything I thought once mattered more than anything, to focus on more of what really matters more than anything.
I stepped away from blogging, from writing, from random Facebooking, to focus on being what I always wanted to be in the first place.
Just a mom.
And the truth is, I have no desire to go back to the way things were before.
Both my kids are now happily embedded in public schools that they love and are excelling in. My husband comes home for an hour from the office everyday for a hot lunch and a bit of couch cuddling. The family always has fresh clothes, hot meals, and a clean house they can be proud of. I rarely get out anymore, opting for grocery pickup orders that I spend all of 15 minutes retrieving without even having to leave my car. My local church, in my tiny town of 9,000, is literally a block away, and almost all of my closest friends live within an 8 mile radius. If I really want "socialization," I simply invite everyone over for a game night. I, quite literally, sleep until Josh comes home for lunch (I've always been a 10-12 hour a night sleeper), make him a home-cooked meal, then spend my afternoons cleaning, doing laundry, and (gasp) binge watching Netflix, or working on random household projects, until the kids come home from school.
And you know what? It's frickin' fantastic!
I don't think I've ever been this content in my life.
I love it. And I mean, like, literally love it. I've never felt so unrestricted. So unrestrained.
A good friend recently told me that I really just needed to chill out and stop worrying so much about what other people think. And man was he right! I thought "letting go" was freeing, but wow! Maybe it's just the meds kicking in, but not having to worry about the pressures of the consumeristic masses--not having to worry about living up to other people's expectations--is the best thing I've ever done for myself.
So I don't meet book launch deadlines? So I don't blog on a regular schedule? So I don't stick my neck out there with my own opinions? So I don't check Facebook every 5 minutes?
I write because I love it, not because I am trying to appease a following. I'll finish my book when I'm ready. I'll blog when I feel like it. And when I don't...I'll binge watch Neftlix.
The important thing is that my family is happy, fed, and taken care of.
The important thing is that I am fulfilling the most important role I'll ever serve in.
And nothing else matters.
Why I Left the Church
The Importance of Friendship
Secrets to Staying Sane
Fighting the Rain